Ben’s Musings

First I woke up and had a bacon bagel, then I opened my cards and presents and I got Archery Lessons with the Bowmen Of Lyme (that’s not me in the picture - I don’t wear glasses!), a Thermos flask, Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling, a Computer Arts magazine, a Picnic Rug and pair of wellies from Mary-Lou, a New Scientist magazine and some fruit and nut nibbles from my Mum & Dad, some money from my parents, Mary-Lou’s parents, Nelson and my Grandparents, a new dressing gown from Nelson and a subscription to National Geographic magazine from Caleb, then we went to the cinema to watch Blades Of Glory which made me laugh and even Mary-lou liked it, then we went to Bolton and had lunch at the Olive Press, I had a Burger and Mary-Lou had an Aubergine dish which she wasn’t impressed with, then we did some shopping in the charity shops there and I bought a nice pair of Jeans but Mary-lou couldn’t find a skirt, then we went to a Trophy shop but it was closed even though I had phoned earlier and they said they would be open, then we got a canvas and paints which Mary-Lou will paint, then we came back home and had a cup of tea, then we went to the Gurkha Grill in West Didsbury and I had a Lamb Garlic dish which was gorgeous, then we bought a bottle of Tiger beer, then we came home again and bought the futon into the living room and I watched Mercury Rising with Bruce Willis in it whilst I drank my beer but the film wasn’t that good, then we went to sleep.

I was 26 yesterday and it was a lovely day. Thanks for all my birthday wishes via text, email, card, phone and Facebook.

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I watched this video recently of a TED talk by Wade Davis about endangered cultures around the world. It is a facinating talk, almost poetry at points with some amazing pictures and stories from his travels and research. Although it is 20 mins long, I command you to take 20 mins out of your day and watch it!

It really made me think about how we treat those from other cultures in this country. Tony Blair’s new effort to make immigrants speak english and take a citizenship test seems foolish after this video.

What a wonderful and diverse world God has created, and what a horrible travesty that this diversity is being destroyed so rapidly. It got me thinking about what the Church’s response should be to this ethnocide. Now, I know the Church has an appauling history in wiping out cultures to satisfy western and conservative sensibilities, but surely we are past that now, and should protect these different people groups.

However, the question will be raised: “How can we let them maintain their spiritual beliefs if they are not Christian in nature?”. But I would say that they are often simply reflecting their concept of God through their limited and unique understandings. I would also say that perhaps the best way to approach such people with the Gospel is to simply tell the story of Jesus. Wade talks about how stories can change the world, and the story of Christ is surely the most powerful ever told.

I tried to write a letter to God the other night but I only wrote 1 line:

God, I don’t know how to approach you anymore.

For the first couple of Months after Amy died I felt God very close, I felt his comfort, love and support in very deep ways. But for the last few months, I have hardly spoken to Him, our relationship seems to have stalled. I just don’t know how to approach Him.

Part of the reason has been that I have been growing sadder over the last couple of months, as the extent to what I have lost has sunk in. I think I have grown angry with God and avoided Him. But also, my spirituality has fallen low in my priorities - it just doesn’t seem important.

I don’t want to know God the way I did before Amy died. Mary-Lou has said that, looking back, her faith was very naive. I have never really suffered in life, so I think my faith was built on the idea that life was good for me, and that was all due to God’s goodness.

So where does that leave my faith now? It isn’t due to God’s goodness that Amy died and now life seems to be about surviving, rather than living. I feel that we need to begin our relationship again. But what kind of relationship do I want with God now? What kind of relationship is available? How do I even approach God?

Mary-Lou explained yesterday that she can’t understand how “God shares in our suffering.” She has come across women on iVillage who have lost a number of children through stillbirth and miscarriage and doesn’t understand how the idea of God suffering with them is supposed to help them in any way. If God could have saved those children from death, but didn’t, how does it help that he shares the pain for our loss?

It’s Easter Saturday, so I’ve been concious that this weekend is the commemoration of Jesus’ death and the celebration of His resurrection. Sure, God lost His only Son, so he knows what it is like to lose a child - we’ve been told. But God got Jesus back after 3 days. We’re not going to get Amy back.

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I am very giddy about the upcoming Transformers Movie! I saw these videos today and they made me squeal with delight!

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