Ben’s Musings

Welcome to my new Podcast - The Daddy Diaries.

I wanted to record my thoughts and feelings about being a Dad and also about our new pregnancy. So I thought I’d podcast my musings since I’m doing several other podcasts at the moment too.

You can Subscribe to The Daddy Diaries in iTunes by clicking here, or you can subscribe to the podcast feed by clicking here.

I will also put new episodes here on my blog but they will appear in iTunes and in the podcast feed about 1 week earlier, so subscribe to keep up with the latest!

Here are the first two episodes to kick off The Daddy Diaries:

Download Episode 1: An introduction to The Daddy Diaries.

Download Episode 2: Our midwife booking-in appointment, my default feelings about this pregnancy and delighting in children.

Below is my weight graph, charting my weight loss (hopefully!) until March next year. I have also marked Andy Knox’s weight. You can see the graph as it progresses on the My Weight page, the link is under the “Pages” heading in the left column.

I tried to generate the graph automatically using OpenOffice’s Spreadsheet program, Google Docs Spreadsheet and Apple’s iWork Numbers program but none produced the kind of graph I wanted. They all had to measured in lbs (they can’t handle stones and pounds), none would draw lines between the points because they were seperated by days when I hadn’t measured myself and two of the graphs started from 0 lbs making it hard to tell any fluctuations in weight.

So I drew my own in Macromedia Fireworks:

I have been encouraged by the non-violent protests in Burma over the last few days. It is exciting to see non-violent action gaining worldwide attention and worrying the Burmese military government.

I was chatting to a friend recently about non-violent resistance and pacifism and whether it can really work in the world today. We talked about whether it could have stopped the Nazi’s in the 40’s. I suggested there was no way it could unless the entire German population were committed to non-violent protest and disobeyed their government since it only has power over those who obey it.

A few days before that chat I was wondering whether Britain might ever disband our army and become a proactively pacifist country. I concluded that there was no way that could happen because the British people wouldn’t have it.

During my chat with my friend he talked about laying the groundwork now for a pacifist society in the future. I liked the idea that people are attempting to change our culture and attitudes in a positive way with a long-term vision. There needs to be some opposition to the culture and attitudes of capitalism, individualism and consumerism.

I think I am a pacifist, but you couldn’t tell it from what I enjoy watching - Heroes, 24, Lost, etc! I also think I’m and anarchist at heart, but that’s for another day.

I also learned today that there is not enough evidence to convict the people suspected of killing Jessie James. Jessie was murdered the same weekend that Amy died and I feel upset that the killers have got away again.

The message that you can kill with guns and get away with it in Manchester, and more specifically Moss Side, angers me. I heard two gun shots last week as I was cycling through Moss Side.

(via Sanctus1)

There is a warning film at the beginning of every DVD in Britain which we’ve all seen. It’s point is that downloading movies is stealing. In The Starfish And The Spider, the authors explain how this mini-film was an effort by the film studios to stem piracy. They tried to make it look and feel like MTV with the fast cuts and stylised colouring.

But the problem is that it’s obvious to young people that it is old people telling them what they can’t do. Also it targets the wrong people - the people who spend money renting or buying movies! Pirated copies always miss out this film so it doesn’t reach those it is trying to convince!

It is an example of centralised organisations trying to stop a decentralised group of people - which is very very hard. I think that if they used this video - a parody from The IT Crowd - they would have been alot more successful!

PS. Watch this space for my new Podcast!

This time last year, Mary-Lou and I were thinking through what type of Post-mortem we wanted performed on Amy

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the stillbirth of our daughter Amy Isabel Gibbs. She actually died on the 8th September but was delivered on the 10th. It has been a sad weekend for Mary-Lou and myself.

We had a picnic to remember Amy at Fletcher Moss Park yesterday and invited family and friends to come, and many did. It was nice to be with friends and our families, but I felt quite lonely. We released a helium filled balloon to symbolise letting go of something you know you will not get back - people seemed to appreciate that.

It was the first time we had seen some people since they found out we are pregnant again, and they congratulated us. Each time, their excitement seemed strange to me, but I just smiled and said we were happy but scared too.

We booked Minty today and went to Chorley to see the place and do some Charity Shop shopping, then we went to Preston to do the same. Neither of us felt particularly emotional, probably because we had the picnic yesterday and felt sad more intensely on Saturday.

My Amy bracelet broke months ago, but I bought a strip of suede to fix it in time for Amy’s Picnic yesterday. It feels good to have it back on my wrist, to feel something devoted to her close to me again.

I came across the Simpsonizer today. You upload a photo of yourself and it does some facial recognition and then shows you a version of yourself Simpsons style. You can tweak it after it generates your character if it doesn’t properly fit. Here’s me:

I’ve been watching SouthPark quite alot recently on TV Links. TV Links is a website that links to movies, TV shows, cartoons, etc. all over the internet - check it out, you’re bound to find a show you loved as a kid! They also have a Documentaries area which I find brilliant. Anyway, here’s my SouthPark version of me: